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[28 Aug 2008|08:20pm] |
i hate my compulsive urges to clean.
i have to. i have to clean. things have to be neat. orderly. perfect.
if everything is not spotless i feel stressed. i feel like i have no control.
i really do hate my obsessive need for things to be clean.
i believe i may be crazy.
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| cars? fuck 'em. |
[27 Aug 2008|07:29am] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
] |
on saturday, one of my tires split and i had to pay close to 200 bucks for two tires.
today, i go to take bella to school and the battery is dead.
the check oil light is on.
the low coolant light flashes randomly, but when i check the level its full.
i put about 12 dollars of gas in my car a day. it never lasts.
my fucking car is making me hate life.
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[12 Aug 2008|07:28pm] |
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music |
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the goodlife- the beaten path |
] |
im in my second week of training in my new collections job.
it takes me an hour to get to work.
my ass is sore from sitting on it 8 hours a day.
i am sick with a cold. its destroying my soul.
also, im really scared im going to gain back all the weight ive lost.
this is my life.
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| I GOT IT! |
[25 Jul 2008|01:10pm] |
so i got the collections job. its full time and pays 2 dollars more an hour.
i start august 4th.
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[24 Jul 2008|11:11pm] |
im having issues with sleeping lately. i cant fall asleep before 1 am and its fucking killing me.
ive been applying for jobs a lot. ive only gotten one reply back. its for a collections job in a small call center. i dont know how much it pays but its full-time and i need that so bad. i go in tomorrow at 10am to fill out an application and shit. and its so fucking far from my house. even still, i hope i get it. collections is one of the last things i want to do again but, i have the job experience and im good at it.
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| whoaaa |
[20 Jul 2008|03:01am] |
it is 3 am. i am so drunk i have no idea how i got home. my friend nikki calls me around midnight... "hey i got in a huge fight with eric. can you come keep me company? i just dont feel like being alone right now." eric is her boyfriend. i drive over to her apartment and shes drunk. shes been drinking all of her boyfriends beer just to spite him. i decide to help her. she had a whole case of beer she wanted gone before he got back. i drank so much. true story.
also, i am incredibly horny right now and amazed that i am able to type.
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[16 Jun 2008|11:25am] |
there is hardly ever anything to construct a full meal out of in my house. for example, right now i woke up starving and really wanted some breakfast. i found some cereal, but not even enough was left in the box for a little bowl. i found bacon, but no eggs. we have bread for toast, but no butter or cream cheese to spread on it. i found pancake mix, but it required egg. i found plain frozen waffles, but we are out of syrup.
all i wanted was some delicious breakfast food, but thats not gonna happen.
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[14 Jun 2008|07:53pm] |
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mood |
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 irate |
] |
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music |
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jimmy eat world- a praise chorus |
] |
why does everything have to be like a fucking roller coaster for me? when im up, i am fucking UP. things are great, im happy. things go right and its beautiful at the top. but then, WHOA FUCK IM GOING DOWN. everything goes to shit in mere fractions of a second. i start to lose it. then i go through a loop-dee-loop and im on my way back to the top. it just repeats itself.
i want to get the fuck off this ride.
i need to change this livejournal layout. im sick of it.
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| sedona, az |
[10 Jun 2008|08:51pm] |
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music |
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the get up kids- out of reach |
] |
i wish i was still there. northern arizona is so much prettier.
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| fuck this shit. |
[04 Jun 2008|10:34pm] |
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music |
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torche- grenades |
] |
Would you date someone who smokes?
i dont really care.
Who was the last person you ran into unexpectedly?
a girl who used to live next to me at my old apartments.
Who will you be with Saturday night?
i will be in sedona, arizona with leilani and her family.
Are you gonna be home alone tonight?
im house sitting, so yes.
Anything you wish you could tell someone but can't?
kinda, but not really.
What are you doing right now?
aim.
Hows this week been?
it has been COMPLETE SHIT.
Two hours ago were you touching a person of the opposite sex?
no.
How much are you on the phone daily?
hardly ever, if i can help it. im not a phone talker.
Are you in a good mood?
not really.
Do you believe in luck?
no.
Be honest, do you like people in general?
not really, but i need them.
What are you doing this weekend?
going to sedona.
Ever kissed anyone with the name starting with a J ?
yes
Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
no =/
Are you taller than 5'6?
yeah 5'7".
What was the last beverage you consumed?
ice water.
What do you like on your pizza?
pineapple and a lot of cheese
Favorite drink?
sprite or iced tea
Who do you hate?
no one really.
Do you take care of your friends while they're sick ?
no, they never want me to. they dont want me to get sick.
Any tattoos?
several.
What's the closest red thing to you?
a pen on the desk.
What is the last pill you swallowed?
8000mg of ibuprofen
How did you sleep last night?
not too good, im not used to not being in my bed.
What was the first thing you thought this morning?
"fuck i need to call the national traffic safety institute"
What is your favorite kind of weather?
RAIN RAIN RAIN
Are you a loud person?
that depends on who i am around.
Are you scared of bugs?
i hate bugs.
Do you sleep with a teddy bear?
no, i am not a 2 year-old.
Are you listening to music right now?
yeah.
Do you have a job?
yes.
What makes you happy?
i am happy when things go the way i plan them.
Do you currently have a hickey?
no.
Who was the last person you talked to on the telephone?
my mother, unfortunately.
What is the best eye color on a member of the opposite sex?
i like brown eyes.
Who is the fifth text in your inbox from?
probably adam.
What's your favorite number?
i dont know 666. whats the purpose of a favorite number anyways?
Have you ever taken anyone/anything for granted?
i believe everyone is guilty of that.
Have you ever been on a roller coaster?
not a real one.
Could you date someone taller than you?
yeah.
When was the last time something bothered you?
i am constantly bothered.
Where was your default picture taken?
bathroom
Are you happy right now?
no.
Where were you last night?
house sitting.
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[24 May 2008|08:05pm] |
| [ |
music |
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torche- healer |
] |
i am all alone this weekend. when people are around i dream of nothing but being my myself and relaxing. but now that i'm totally alone, i am crippled by anxiety.
i do not want to be alone. i need someone near me. i need life around me regardless of the quality of that life. i fear this is how my life will forever be. all of the space around me is empty and i'm fucking scared.
my mind never stops coming up with worst-case scenarios when i'm alone. what if someone breaks into the house? what if they rape me? what if i were to get in a car crash or something while everyone is gone? would they be able to reach someone to tell them what has happened to me? and even if they did reach someone would that person care enough to come back?
i am so incredibly lonely it just makes me want to cry.
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[14 May 2008|06:42pm] |
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music |
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www.myspace.com/lettherockfuckyou |
] |
working at old navy isn't the worst job ever. its actually a decent job, however, its gotten to the point where i feel i have nothing more to gain from it. this happens with most of my jobs. i get bored with them. i need some sort of intellectual stimulation. i need my job to teach me something i don't already know. after i've stored all the knowledge possible from a job, i just don't want to do it anymore. this does not work out well for me. it actually makes me look like i can't hold down a job or that i'm a bad employee, so i'm told.
also, i had a thought came to me earlier. a commercial came on and said something about it being the year 2008. this thought was "holy shit, its 2008." this made me think of how bummed i am that we don't have flying cars or robots in everyday life or food in pill form yet. as a child, i imagined it would be like that by 2008.
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[24 Jan 2008|10:39am] |
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certain things have been brought to my attention recently and i dont know how to deal with them. i need someone to talk to but no one is answering my calls and nobody is online. i supposed it doesnt matter if i talk to someone about it, most of the people i know have no experience dealing with these kinds of things.
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[16 Jan 2008|01:19pm] |
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i feel less and less like a human being everyday.
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[27 Dec 2007|02:51pm] |
today is my second real day off in two weeks. i am perpetually tired.
this is basically what happens when i get home after a shift at old navy, just without the diaper.
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[18 Dec 2007|03:16pm] |
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today, one of my old teachers finally answered her phone. this teacher is much more like a friend to me, and in july she moved to D.C. with her husband and adorable baby. i havent spoken to her in some months and it was really good to hear from her. i miss her =[
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[15 Dec 2007|02:47pm] |
i dont think sitting down has ever been as a pleasurable sensation as it right now.
my feet are so swollen i can hardly walk on them without wincing in agony.
my ankles are starting to transform into "kankles" as they have doubled in size from stress and strain on them.
working is totally overrated.
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[13 Dec 2007|07:37pm] |
i had orientation for old navy today. it was just as i expected: paperwork, tax forms, cheesy videos, etc...
then i was asked to come into work at 5 am tomorrow for my first shift. this is going to be rough since i have become very accustomed to waking up at 10 am.
ill adjust.
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[12 Dec 2007|04:27pm] |
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"if pete fails the test he'll look like a sucker and end up waxing floors like cecil tucker!"
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